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Johnny's Jokes
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Johnny's Jokes
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Johnny's Jokes
**``One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy,and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replys. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!" 


**``A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" 

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." 

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." 

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" 

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. 

And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!" 



**``Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. 

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." 

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny. 

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!" 

                                  [johnny'jokes]










LMFAO!!!!!!!!
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]

That was soooooo FUNNY!!
I love the bathroom joke!!!
aaaahahahahahahahahahahahha

Sandyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
HaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
:)Little Johnny came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigormortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the air?" 

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." 

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" 

"What do you mean?" said Dad. 

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!" 


:)Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None." replied Johnny,"'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one su*king her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one su*king the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking." 


:)Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one month!" 

Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!" 

Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when сockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the сockroaches were dead. Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her. To which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or should I?" 

                                     [[ty2johnnysjokes]]
 




                             



Lmfao, that сracked me up.   (who said people cant pee from the diving board) i totally disagree!  
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http://e4u.consoleradar.com/happy/516.gif
]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WILL YOU HAVE MORE JOHNNY JOKES?! THEY'RE SO FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNY!
}}}}}In a classroom of third graders, the teacher says to the kids, "Today, class, we will be telling stories that have a moral to them." She explained what a moral to a story was and asked for volunteers. Little Suzie raises her hand. 

Suzie: " I live on a farm and we have a chicken that laid 12 eggs, we were excited to have 12 more chickens but only 6 of them hatched." 

Teacher: "That's a good story, now what is the moral?" 

Suzie: " Don't count your chickens before they are hatched." 

Teacher: "Very good Suzie, anyone else?" 

Ralphie: "Yes teacher, I was carrying some eggs I bought for my mom in my bicycle basket one day and I crashed my bike and all the eggs broke." 

Teacher: "That's a nice story, what is the moral?" 

Ralphie: "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." 

Teacher: " Very good Ralphie, anyone else?" 

Little Johnny: " Yes teacher, my Aunt Karen is in the army and when she was in the Gulf War, she parachuted down with only a gun, 20 bullets, a knife, and a six-pack of beer. On her way down, she drank the six pack. When she landed, she shot 20 Iraqis and killed ten of them with her knife." 

Teacher: "Very interesting, Johnny, what is the moral to your story?" 

Little Johnny: "Don't f**k with Aunt Karen when she's drunk." 


}}}}}A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!" 


}}}}}Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" 

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her buttt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!" 

"Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." 

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" 

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her buttt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!" 






I like the joke with the drunk aunt!
Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No" says his mother, "of course not"
Little Johnny runs back outside to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" :p
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaathats great nice try this site




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