Football jokes...
Posted in
Off-topic
Football jokes...
Any good jokes about football (or soccer to our American friends) stick em in here! I'll start the ball rolling. (no pun intended)
The Manchester United players are in the dressing room on Saturday just before the game, when Roy Keane walks in. "Boss" he says, "there's a problem. I'm not playing unless I get a cortisone injection." "Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."
lmao heres one, the West Ham utd manager was walking by his stadium when an arsenal supporter hit him in the head with a brick. He became unconscience and the people helped him by taking him to a local building society. When he woke up he said "where am I ?" a man replies "your in the Nation Wide" The manager replies "what!!! I`ve been unconscience for that long !!"
i wanna know who u support before i let the jokes fly around mr bishi ... i don't wanna be booted permanently lol ... by the way im a man u fan ... uh oh booted(jelousy again :-P)......... by the way its a good job beckam dosn't post a message in this forum ... hes sick of that boot
And some Scouse one's...
If you see a Scouser on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him? It might be your bike.
What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi? A burglar.
Why did Gerard Houllier go to Argos? It's the only place he could pick up Premier points.
What's long, scouse, and goes around corners? The Dole queue.
SP ׂ
very good bishi....dragon king i feel you made up that one yourself hastily, why would he go to a building society :s.
SP ׂ
What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet
The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning... "Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!" "The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George. "Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.
SP ׂ
bit old but shhhhh :p was also a good one about big ron being a manager but i thought that was just too old ! replace west ham with pompey if u like they just as crap :D
naa I heard that one, it wasnt meant to be realistic :p and nobody is gonna diss Arsenal, got that !!
(maybe i should start an urban legend post after this topic wears out, or mr bishi could) dragon
SP ׂ
arsenal pish lemme try and make up a joke about aresenal. hmm hmmm hmmmmm... fa introduced a rule saying only english players were allowed to play in the next game. arsenal pulled out the game ! funny as a pork pie but u get the point of it :p
Then u should be ashamed Non-English players beat you 2-0 not to mention the anger of Ferguson when scarring Beckham like that. Furgys clever hitting one of his best players with a boot:p Damage done by arsenal
c'mon people, in america this is called soccer, now, i like real american football, i dont really care for soccer. Football!
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.
Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.
Q: Whats the difference between a toothpick and Sunderland? A: A toothpick has more points.
Q: How did the mackem find his sister in the woods? A: Just Fine!!
Q: What happens when a Mackem takes Viagra? A: He gets a bit taller.
Q: How long does it take a Mackem lass to have a s**t? A: 9 months!
A Mackem fan walks into a pub with his dog just as the football scores come on the TV. The announcer says that Sunderland have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately rolls over on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead. "That's amazing," says the barman. "What does he do when they win?" The Mackem Fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies: "I dunno.... I've only had the dog for eight years.
Three Mackems were upset with their Sex education teacher after she gave the 1st Mackem a D, the 2nd an F and the 3rd a D+. Angered by this the 1st Mackem said 'She's gonna pay for this!' The 2nd said 'Yeah, we'll grab her!' and the third said 'Yeah, kick her in the nads!'
As you probably would have guessed by now unless your from Sunderland,
I dont Like mackems
. k j ;)
bishi i know ur the spelling expert but shouldn't that be spelled futbol???? maybe im wrong but i could of sworn thats how its spelled cause here in america football has only one definiton thats the game with hands on the ball. ;)
hmmmm i cant think of any jokes about footie, but i did see the game last night.....pretty good result for liverpool althought the first half was awful!!! and owen equalising ian rush's number of goals scored in europe was well over due....i aint even a liverpool fan but they did play well in second half....and in typical girlie fashion, steven gerard has gorgeous legs! lololol [img=
http://www.virtualsolarsystem.com/earth/anth/cheeky3.gif
] chEEKy.xxx
HATE ARSENAL HATE ARSENAL HATE ARSENAL Q) ARSENAL GOING THROUGH A LOSING STREAK SO GUEES WHO THEY WERE GONNA BE SPONSERED BY ? A)TAMPAX CAUSE THEY WERE GOING THROUGH A BAD PERIOD LOL .....COME ON MIGHTY SPURS ;)
as a dedicated Manchester United fan ,i can't resist a few more jokes at our opponents this coming sunday .....Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common? A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter? A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time. A father and son were eating breakfast. The fathers newspaper had the headline "Van Gogh sold for £8 million". The son asked "is he worth it, Dad?", to which the father, surprised at his son's interest in fine art, replied "I suppose so, son. Why do you ask?" The son said "Well, Liverpool paid more than that for Stan Collymore, and he was crap" .. can't predict the result ,but know utd willl win . oh go then i will .... 4-0?
just two more jokes at the expense of our scouse friends( i say that lightly) aheads of todays gameQ: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs? A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women Newsflash: Thieves broke into the home of a Liverpool fan and stole two books. "The thing that upsets me", he said "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet!"........
this all cracks me up....
[img=
http://www.emo.spacespider.net/crazy01.gif
] [img=
http://www.jeffpylenz.com/Web%20animations/Knee.gif
]
Dσn
im with you there bishi, what the beep is a mackem? as first i thought they were jokes about macken the preston guy and it was a typo but now :| this topic could easily change into football rivalry topic so ill start by saying - all you united fans, 2nd is ours :D and we got you at the den in a few weeks - easy win!. u'll be lucky if u get into inter toto.