If you receive an email entitled 

Gremlins

, delete it 

IMMEDIATELY

, do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks 
within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetises the strips on ALL of your credit cards. 

It reprograms your 

ATM

 pin number, screws up the tracking on your video recorder and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto-dial to call only premium rate numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. 

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING

. It will drink 

ALL

 your beer. 

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??!!

 

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel bills to your Visa card. It will cause you to 
run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. 

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the 
interpretations of key sentences. If the 

Gremlins

 message is opened in a Windows environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. 

And if you don't send this to 

5000

 people in 

20

 seconds you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will spontaneously combust in your pants.