Come now sing with me, Proper Crimbo, 
I'll take you for a drink with me, Proper Crimbo (Wibble), 
Put up your Christmas tree, Proper Crimbo, 
So excited you might wee, Proper Crimbo (Proper Crimbo), 

On The Seven Days Of Christmas my true love gave to me, 
A Pereguine Falcon, Proper Bo I tell thee, 
Shelltore trainers and a beanie hat, 
A new set of *headers all shiny and black, 
I didn't sleep that night for Santa to come, 
I wet the bed that's what I had done, 
'Coz Christmas time is the place to be, 
I always wake up in a puddle of wee, 
With a Ho Ho Ho and a Silent Night, 
A little chipolata I'll be feeling alright, 
Turkey's on the table as big as a cow, 
To celebrate Crimbo I'll tell thee how, Reet-oh 

Come now sing with me, Proper Crimbo, (Selecta) 
I'll take you for a drink with me, Proper Crimbo (Selecta) 
Put up your Christmas tree, Proper Crimbo (Selecta) *smash* 
So excited you might wee, Proper Crimbo (arrrgh) 

(yoo hoo) Ho Ho Ho, I'm a bad Mo'Fo, 
I got presents y'all but they two by two, 
They closed the shop so I got time for you, 
Super Funky and you watch the bombs, 
Watch out Santa 'coz here I come, 
'Coz I sleep on the floor, never ever on a bed, 
That's Santa's style so in your head, 
It's me just up come share my needs, 
Got gifts for y'all what you got for me, 
Cha'mone (Cha'mone), Cha'mone (Cha'mone), Cha'mone check check da cone, 
I said Bubbles ain't a monkey she can move real funky Cha'mone check check da cone, (that's right) Ow! 

Come now sing with me, Proper Crimbo (Selecta), 
I'll take you for a drink with me, Proper Crimbo (Selecta), 
(ee-he)Put up your Christmas tree, Proper Crimbo (Selecta), 
So excited you might wee, Proper Crimbo (Proper Crimbo), 

Hey-up, where's all t'band gone, Come on kids help us out, 
Sing with me (Proper Bo-Bo), 
Check it out (Proper Bo-Bo), 
Can I get a rewind (Proper Bo-Bo), 
That were reet good (Proper Bo-Bo, Proper Bo-Bo, Proper Bo-Bo) 
Come on now, let's get it together, you aswell Kes 

(Sing with me) Come now sing with me, Proper Crimbo, 
(Take me for a drink) I'll take you for a drink with me, Proper Crimbo (Take me for a *?*) (grrr), 
Put up your Christmas tree, Proper Crimbo (Selecta I say), 
So excited you might wee, Proper Crimbo, Proper Crimbo, Proper Crimbo 

Can I get a DJ, 

Come now sing with me, Proper Crimbo (Sing with me), 
I'll take you for a drink with me, Proper Crimbo (haaaa), 
Put up that Christmas tree, Proper Crimbo (Put up your christmas tree), 
So excited you might wee, Proper Crimbo, Proper Crimbo, Proper Crimbo (So excited, so excited, so excited) 

Reet good, now come on sing with me, 

Come now sing with me, Proper Crimbo (Sing with me), 
I'll take you for a drink with me, Proper Crimbo (I'll take you for a drink), 
Put up that Christmas tree, Proper Crimbo (Put up your christmas tree), 
So excited you might wee, Proper Crimbo, Proper Crimbo, Proper Crimbo (So excited, so excited, so excited) 

Have a proper bo crim...bo!