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Jokes
Seeing as how my funny pics hav been deleted;\ i'll post Jokes instead:p feel free to add ur own ;):)


A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: 

Officer: May I see your driver's license? 

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. 

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? 

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. 

Officer: The car is stolen? 

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. 

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? 

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. 

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? 

Driver: Yes, sir. 

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: 

Captain: Sir, can I see your license? 

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. 

Captain: Who's car is this? 

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. 

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? 

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. 

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. 

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. 

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. 

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk? 

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!


Not exactly a Joke but quite funny:p

[img=
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v726/comboprince/TBW.jpg
]
Yes it was!

Moderator on Oct 12, 2005 10:07 PM]
has anbody ever wondered if God is a black woman? that would be so cool. in my opinion.
prisoner of war: I don't get it please explain
prisoner didnt say that. he said another joke that was in apropriate so the moderator changed what he said queen
There was this guy who wanted a day off from work so he thought he would throw a sickie, so he came up with the idea that if he hung upside down from the ceiling pretending to be a light bulb that his boss would think that he had gone crazy and would send him home. When he arrived at work he pushed a table over to the middle of the office climbed up and hooked his feet onto a ceiling fan and hung upside down; the blonde secretary asked him what he was doing and he said that he was pretending to be a light bulb, just then the guys boss walks in and asks what does he think he is doing hanging upside down in the middle of the office, "i'm a light bulb" the guy said, with this the boss said "Okay, I think you should take a few days off from work as you obviously have been working too hard". The guy climbs down and starts to walk out of the office to go home when the blonde secretary gets up and goes to follow him out, the boss ask's "Where do you think you are going?"
"Well how can I do any work when the light is'n't working"
Shotz: I was talking about the original joke, the one about the driver and the captain
Hey Amidala, where have you been all this time? It's been quiet without you.
a man walks in to a bar......


........ he says 'ow'
i wasnt expetin that. lol. thats a cute joke. lol
lets see if i can remember this one right (sry blondes its just too good)

a man drove up in a car to a house and he gets out of his car and looks around seeing a blonde girl run out to the mailbox open it and close it and walks back in her house. he wonders what she was doing and he waits for a little bit and the girl walks back out and opens the mail box again and slams it shut and walks back in the house. after a while longer she walks back out again and she opens the mail box this time slamming it shut hard and the man walked over to the blonde and said " whats wrong"
the blonde girl just looked at him and said "my computer keeps saying 'youve got mail'"
ok ive got one. why does the easter bunny hide the eggs?

so nobody knows that hes havin an affair with a chicken.
hahahahaha, nice onw bloodywatergirl.

This sint a joke but its a good mind bobler.
:Whats one crime, just as illegal as any murder or robery that you can not be charged for after commiting?

(its not killing evryone in the world) Scroll down for the answer.



Suicide
omg lol. good real. its true yet sad tho. 
hey i got a puzzle for u. ok a guy is gunned down by the police, then he runs into his burning house, the roof caves in, then the air conditioner falls on him. wat killed him? see if u can guess. tomorrow ill give the answer.
Where are you living?
A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?"

"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy." 
If a guy is gunned DOWN by the Police, he isn't going to run anywhere.
Unless that guy had on a bulletproof vest.
Sorry Rain, I understood that you meant the bullets killed him later. I thought to be gunned down would mean that he couldn't run into the building at all, but obviously the riddle implies that he did. It also fails to mentioned that he died at all in this scenario, so maybe he dies of old age or gets done in by his lover's husband in the end :p
lol when is watergurl gonna tell us the answer!


 hey i got a puzzle for u. ok a guy is gunned down by the police, then he runs into his burning house, the roof caves in, then the air conditioner falls on him. wat killed him? see if u can guess. tomorrow ill give the answer.


maybe it's the air conditioner that killed him? :p
While we are waiting, here is one for you to work out:

There is a lightbulb turned off in a room, and there are no windows or other way of seeing in or out with the door closed. Outside there are three switches, one of which operates the light. You are allowed to operate the switches as you like, and you are allowed to open the door once. However, when you open the door you cannot touch the switches again. How can you tell which switch operates the light?

It's not really a trick question, but you have to think about it.
so u guys wanna kno the answer? ok here it is....



Pure bad luck. nice guesses tho. wen i first heard it i thought that the guy might have done suicide or died of suffocation or heart failure. but then i found out and it made perfect sense. nice try guys. ;)
oh and beppe, u seriously need to get out more and stop thinkin literal. it was a trick question.
I knew it was a trick question, I just couldn't work out the answer so side-tracked myself ;)
Okay, here is one of my favourite jokes:


Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a 
pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is 
in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" 

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What 
are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter 
pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start 
kissing. 

When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." 

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts 
pouring it all over her breasts. 

"Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre the 
fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!" They resume 
their passionate interlude and things really steam up. 

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" 

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in 
her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and 
dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms up and 
screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK 
YOU'RE DOING?" 

Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! 
If I go down, I go down in flames!" 
Very good! liked that one beppe :p!
LMAO!! Where did you hear that one? And what's the answer to the three-switch riddle?
Why does it matter which switch operates the light?

Im going to hit all 3 of them to see what they do anyway.

Snipe
Switch anyone, leave it for a minute or so. Turn it off, switch another and enter the room. If the light is on, it's the one you just used. If not feel the bulb - if it's warm it's the first, if not it's the one you haven't tried :)
that was a good joke! where did u hear that one? lmao
lol. he probably did but who cares? lol.
Apparently you care, your the one who asked.

Snipe
aw..let her be snipe

Here's one:

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a motorcycle gangster?
Snipe well... Still going round correcting people in the same old pedantic fashion ;\

Long time no see, anybody else from the "good old days" still around?

Cant even see confed or mex or tank master or even peter01...

shocking...

Suit
[img=
http://www.bungie.net/Stats/halo2emblem.ashx?s=90&0=1&1=1&2=3&3=11&f=1&b=0&fl=1
]
I'M watching ,,not talking.

;)
omg its suit... long time no see
LMAO! omg thats so funny. sry rain.
the answert to my joke is Dirtbag (aka Suit)