« Back to All Topics
A Larki Story For All
A Larki Story For All
A Larki Story For All
in response to the idea from kms and the enthousiastic response from esme in another thread... it's time to start a larki story.  anyone can feel free to post, but please only post one sentence at a time, no two consecutive posts by the same person, and please keep it in third-person.  (also don't sign your name with your post... we can see it at the side, and names would just get in the way of the story).  let's see where this story ends up.


the sun had just poked above the horizon when a brave adventurer stepped out of his house into the fog to begin another day of fighting.
He went to the Caverns to improve his fighting skills and earn some silvers by killing monsters.
There the adventurer met on of his greatest fears.
He felt a chilling breeze on his neck as it swooped down, closing in for the kill.
Oh wait a minute, that chilling breeze was only a noob who had just eaten a breath mint.
He decided the only right thing to do was to take the noob under his wing, as nasty a chore as it may be.
he reached for the noob to bring him close and begin to instruct him on the basics, but the noob started to run.
You look and laugh as the noob just ran his head into  straight into one of the nearby trees.... 
that will be the last time the adventurer lends a helping hand to such an ungreatful person again
In fact, he decided to teach this noob a lesson he'll remember.
He follows noob home robs his house kickin him out steals from noob then kills noob as he seeks revenge.
Since he's already in the area, he decides to head over to the arena to see if there are any clones to battle.
As soon he steps past the threshold of the arena door, a fire ball comes raging towards him! ...
"Grrr!!!" said the fireball. "I almost got extinguished by a powerful magelord. I think Larkinor is under attack."
meanwhile, back in the novice quarter the newbie had revived, having had his wounds healed by a friendly priest, and contacted a powerful magelord who is a friend of a friend of a friend of his dad...  
...Because his dad knew somebody who knew somebody who could get a "job" done.
The mighty adventurer had stopped and gotten drunk at the local pub before he went to the areana, and was looking at two fireballs, unsure which was hot and which was fake.
Now, like any good wanderer, he knew well the phrase "another pint-another step to insight", so he decided to order another round from the bartender-and drenched both of the fireballs.
Unfortunately, the round he used to douse the fireballs was brandy.
he then picked up a big bottle of booze to put out the fire, unfortunately that was brandy too!
suddenly, it occurred to him that the noob may have hired the magelord to kill him, but on his way out the door...
he realized no noob has that much money.  Which wealthy Larki citizen would hire a hit-fireball?
Suddenly it occured to him that the King was seeking revenge because he accidently broke the king's favorite toy sword as a kid and the king never forgave him for that.
Actualy the king broke the sword but since he cant be accused of anything because he is a king it was our brave adventurer who had to pay.
or perhaps someone else in the city had hired the hit-fireball- the adventurer was a pretty annoying person sometimes...
come to think of it, it could be the ex-black virgins daddy that was after him!
But then he realizes that who and why don't matter - the fireballs are blazing hotter than ever because he tried to put them out with a bottle of booze!
he remembers he once heard from an oracle that claimed he studied various monsters and cataloged them, in a website whatever that is, that a fireballs weakness is a water attack spell....
the only problem was that he hadn't yet trained his water magic skills, because he only liked frying monsters (and other unfortunate beings) with his fire magic skills.
Fortunately MagicRose comes through the door, mutters something about screams of agony interfering with her drinking, an icy tornado twirls from her hands and extinquishes the fire ball(s).  

what a lucky day for the adventurer....
He decides to contemplate the source of the fireballs - and his revenge - outside the bar and far from the drinking mage.
Then our adventuring hero thinks of a brilliant plan! He'll wave a pitiful cute baby kittin in front of people to get them to divulge any information they might know!
Fool-Proof!


[img=
http://www.users.on.net/~alpha2/insane_kitty.jpg
]
Unable to find a cute kitten, he substitutes one that had run face first into a wall; discouraged, he tries to think of a better plan.
The ingenious adventurer next attaches mirrors to the sides of a box and wanders out with his head inside it.
however, he forgot to cut a hole in the front of the box and ran right into the backside of a dunggolem!!!

After a night spent in the gutter (post dunggolum encounter), the adventurer vows to stay away from alcohol until he knows who hired the fireball to attack him.
Now that he was sober he could think a little better and went to Stingy Fano's bank, flirted with a cute teller and found out some guy named "Chicky" had more in there than anyone else, had he upset this Chicky?
After a little investigation our brave adventurer discovered this "Chicky" had been holidaying in a far away place called Thord-Artin. Surely he couldn't have hired the fireballs from there - or could he?
Our hero decided it might be worth a trip to Thord-Artin to try to meet this mysterious Chicky.
So he buys a nice sink proof ship and rows to TA,of course not without taking a life jacket with him.
he gets sea sick and leans over the side of the boat and vomits, then begins to get amused by a few dolphins not too far away, who soon get bored of his presence.
Finally reaching TA, he enters a bar seeking information about the mysterious 'Chicky' (he remembers to order bottled water so that he will remain alert for more fireballs).
he decides to order a second bottle of water and some food, because it took him quite a while to get to TA travelling west, going almost all the way around the globe... then asks the bartender if this so-called 'chicky' has been in the pub lately.
the bartenders face goes white and he begins to sweet profusely...
the adventurer noticing that the name "chicky" makes people "sweet" honey from their glands he quickly changes the subject, maybe the supply tent could provide some answers...
He goes to the supply tent to find that it is empty and a little piece of paper falls into his hands:
'Chicky was here'  But what does it mean?
After reading the note, he glances up at the shelves and the endless supply of subtattos has ended!
Chicky was announcing 
he
 had all the subtattos-but why?
Will exorbinant prices be charged for them, will they be destroyed, or used to create a powerful magical device?
Just as he was about to leave, our brave adventure was ambused by a horde of HIDIOUS AMAZONS!
Oh the Larkiness of it all!!
If only they had been black virgins instead or femme fatals!!
but alas . . . Our adventurer must bravely fight them off with the first thing he can find!!
A bottle of brandy!!
Oh oh? Dejavue?

after fighting off the hideous amazons our hero freshens up and visit an old friend master lhephessy who happily gives him a larkinor brandy, on the house of course.... 
Then he goes to the TA CC to find that it is full of Giant Fighters all storming to attack him.
Perhaps he should nip into a building to escape the monsters--but which one?
wait, an open manhole!!!  Thats where the brave adventurer dives to escape the Giant Horde.
He lands on something furry and soft; all around in the dim light he can see....Horrors! He is sitting on the lap of a vampire monkey!!! 
As the monkey goes to strike our helpless hero, an arrow comes out of nowhere instatly killing the vicous monkey...

What??? Could our noob have found himself an ally or guardian angel in this dog eat dog world? 
or maybe the arrow missed its real target and was meant for him, not the monkey- should he try to take on the assassin or the giant fighters?
Just then, the man in the darkness speaks, "don't be alarmed brave adventurer, my enemy is thy enemy!"
As the speaker came into the light he saw it wasn't a man but magicrose with a bad case of laryngitis.
"Y-you're the legendary M-m-m-magicrose," stammered our hero in awe. "Master m-mage, defender of the weak, p-patron of the b-brave, and one of the m-most respected people in all of L-larkinor--and you helped ME!"
She answered him:"I would be proud to help you catch the evil chicky because he has very evil plans for the world!"
Our hero sat down and thought, realizing that the real MagicRose doesn't shoot arrows...
"What???!! An Imposter?!"  He thought with increasing Clarity.  This must be the master of disguises Metto, Posing as MagicRose!  But why?... To try to befriend him... to get him to let his guard down and talk freely? 
The stranger (MagicRose? Metto?) shoots small ice splinters into the adventurer's "nether regions" and says "You idiot, I borrowed the crossbow from my brother, Cinder.  If I had used a major blast of magic to save you, everyone would have known of our interest in your quest."  As he (the adventurer) tries to decide how to remove the ice splinters, he decides that this is either MagicRose or someone who does a darn good impersonation of her temper. 
concluding that it must be magicrose, the adventurer asks if he may use the crossbow since magicrose doesn't actually need it and cinder probably 'borrowed' it from someone's house anyway.
She gives it to him not before putting a fire spell on it,so it shoots burning arrows.
While he delicately removes a second batch of ice splinters, MagicRose gently reminds him that she DOES need the crossbow so that she doesn't have to cast any major magic spells - ice splinters, although painful, are minor magic.
Anyway, moving right along, they begin to lay their plans for cornering the elusive chicky.
They would disguise themselves as cityguards, and attack him when he wasn't expecting it, in the middle of the battle.
They both got into the costumes of Blue Cityguards and just turned around to watch chicky as they heard an evil laugh behind their backs
They turned around to see a particularily ugly TA fighter by the name of Montsegur, who was preparing to slay them with his curser.
But they were very lucky bogus blue cityguards because.. Monty missed!! No time for explainations, they took to their heels down a tunnel, clattering away in the darkness.  
Finally they arrived behind chicky and heard him say:"Finally I will tell you all my brilliant plan my Cityguard friends.
MagicRose and the brave adventurer lean forward eagerly so they won't miss a word of Chickie's dasterdly, diabolical plan. 
Just then the adventurers elbow slips off the edge of the table and he falls face first to the floor at Chickies feet!!
Magicrose is horrified beyond belief!!

Egad!  Someone left a nannysnail gob on the Table!  
The adventurer's costume is torn in the fall, his bogus Blue City Guard hat has flown off his head and he finds himself looking up into angry, horrified faces...  
his true identity revealed to all... including Chicky!
Chickie rips the rest of the disguise off of our adventurer;

A-HA!! I've got you now my pretty!! And your little dog too!! (glancing at Magicrose who is still sitting at the table to stunned to move)

Did you think your piddly disguise had ME fooled!!??

A ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
Chicky corrects himself "errr I mean you are a little dog too"
meanwhile, unbeknownst to Chickie, MagicRose has come out of the shocked state she had been in and the first thing in her sights is Chickies big bum infront of her as he is bent over our adventurer.

With all the power in her capable hands she lets go with a blast that rocks the building from its foundations . . . .
And not just the foundations. With a colossal 
Craaack
 the ancient roof caved in on them!  Silence.  The Adventurer slowly looked around and still stunned,  began clawing through the rubble..Where were all the rest?     
Suddenly a hand broke out from under the fallen roof.It was Chicky's hand and soon he managed to get fully out from under the roof.He stormed forward to attack MAgicRose who still had to recover after her attack.
In a surprise move, MagicRose releases a 'Dragon Denture' which she had been feeding from her fodder satchel.  It immediately attacks the largest person present (chicky) giving the Adventurer time to regain his wits and 
stab a sword in chicky's back.He let's out a loud and evil laugh."Didn't you notice you can't defeat me with normal weapons and spells"?he asks evily.
the adventurer starts to wonder if he's going to need an antimatter club or atomantium dagger, because they're not normal weapons, and have worked on odd characters in some of his past missions.
By now MagicRose has recovered and tells the Adventurer, "I may not be able to kill him with magic, but I can keep him busy while you look for a weapon to defeat him."  She changes the ground under Chicky's feet to air, Chicky falls into a deep pit, and she changes the air in the pit back into stone.  MagicRose waits for Chicky to dig himself out while the Adventurer.....
goes to the pub and starts buying the bartender drinks, hoping he'll give a new recipe for a weapon that will do the job.
drunkily the adventurer staggers out of the pub...that bartender sure can drink, but he has gotten what he came for....
Parcilo's Grail!! 

If our adventurer only knew how these things worked (they do make great cheese slicers though!). 

But no time to ponder that thought now, Chickie has managed to claw his way through the floor and is headed towards our adventurer. . . . .
he opens the box, expecting to find the weapon, but finds only a handful of ruby gemmas, and a few silver snakes and plates... if only he remembered the recipe and where to make the weapon!
"Aha I remember!"our adventurer yells and runs to the mage tower to make the weapon.After he made it he storms to attack chicky but just then he notices that chicky is holding a person in front of him as a shild.It's
Cronus, who promptly gives a quick but accurate kick in Chicky's you-know-where before joining hands with MagicRose and turning himself into a worm infested turnip.
Well, that sorts Chickie.
The Adventurer turned to leave the alley and confronted two doors with signs over them. The left sign was written in strings of fire 
All hope abandon, ye who enter here
.  The other was a parchment written with large blue letters 
Here Be
 
Dragons
. A sloshing sound of water could be heard behind the door. A waterway? Maybe a boat? Which way to go...  
Our adventurer went through the door where he heard the water and found out that was the wrong choice because suddenly he was in the deep blue sea with very very heavy ballasts tied to his feet.
he calls out to cronus and macigrose to help me, just before his head goes underwater
The adventurer finds himself levitated above the water and back through the doorway, but MagicRose tells him "this is the last help you can expect from me until I have found a way to transform Cronus back into human form (WHY does he do these things, I mean really - a "worm infested turnip"?)"  MagicRose walls away after carefully stowing her brother (the worm infested turnip) in her backpack.
In Thord Atin local store (-50% off!!), looking for a decent pesticide, our hero runs into 
Mana Goddess, who had just sold a Cure For Worm Infested Turnips. He decided it wouldn't be polite to ask her 
exactly
 where she had acquired the precious potion, better to simply buy the one she had sold...but it was already gone! Poor Cronus.  The Adventurer was sadly  walking away, clutching his parcillo's grail, when suddenly he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder....
He has been grabbed by a mountain klutz!

He grabs the klutz by the wrist and tries a manuver he saw one night on a larkorian imagebox. Instead the Klutz picks our adventurer up by his shoulder and tosses him . . . . .
...into a cauldron full of boiling water and vegetables!-
You ll make a  nice soup adventurer
!
Fortunateley our hero was wearing Samardi's Aromour, which protected him from the heat of the boiling water just long enough for him to take the only action that would save his life.
He quickly jumped out of the cauldron and kicked the Klutz in his face.The he ran to
the marketplace to see if he could get some fodder. Perhaps if he captured the klutz and taugh him a few things he could use him to . . . .
help look for the pesticide with all of those eyes, a moutain klutz might have an easier time spotting the pesticide.
But where to find the pesticide? Hmmmmm? 
In a memory flash our adventurer remembers what he was told!!!
"Stay away from the light Carol Anne!!"
No! Thats not it!!
It was . . . .

Kill two birds with one stone
...That was it!! Not just waste worms-turn the turnip too! But how?  
Wasn't there a mission with a gardner?  Maybe he could help? 
Giving it some hard thought (which The Adventurer really  wasn't used to) the memory emerged, 
Kialuk the gardner, loony
 
as a Larki, experimented with......turnips!
 "Aha!" he thought triumphantly, "I'm off to The School of Wizardry!"  But just then....
a guy named BlackMarketBill stopped him.  He hadn't been seen in Larki in a very long time.  Bill opened his coat and offered our adventurer some Imp's Mushroom.  "Very cheap, just for you Mister, I swear they aren't black market, this is totaly ligit, I just can't offer this price to everyone so shhhhhh".
Looking for the catch, our hero notices that the mushrooms are worm ridden. Infact, so much so, that all of the worms in Cronus' turnip form seem to want to jump into them.
he pays a bit of money for the mushrooms, and lays them down beside cronus, watching the worms jump out of him into the mushroom... now there's only the problem of turning a turnip back into a fighter
Popping back into the gardening mission he retrieves a cartwheel (better known by some as a wheelbarrow) an grabs the Cronus-turnip and heads to the CC.  Hmmmm dilema.....does he take him into the Mage tower or the Temple?
He storms to the temple with his wheelbarrow.But just as he was about to enter it he feels a very heavy blow on his left shoulder and he faints.
As his eyes swam slowly back into focus The Adventurer offered prayers of thanks that it had not been his right shoulder(still throbbing with pain from his wrestling match with Magicrose for Cronus,the worm infested turnip). Poor, poor Cronus. Still dazed he groped around for his cartwheel but his eyes now told him--It was gone!  With Cronus! Sadly, he started toward the ...
recovering from a concussion is always a nasty business (causing delusions, hallucinations, etc) so he hurriedly entered the temple to ask for healing.  Mental note, watch out for falling pieces of building when standing near MagicRose.  He hurries back outside to rescue Cronus - turnips are SO helpless!
As he steps outside a spear pierces the wall behind him just inches from his head!"I know that weappon"-our Adventurer says to himself-"It belongs to...
Chicky.Our adventurer was very lucky since the spear was poisoned.He quickly goes inot the Temple and locks the door when he sees he made a big mistake because
all the priests were looking at him waiting for his explanation about the hole in the temples wall made by the spear.Having no money to pay for the damage he
pretended that the poison he had was going to kill him. The priests rushed up and gave him a
business card and said, "Call me if you die".
Considering that to be a 
good
 idea The Adventurer tucked the card in his pocket,grabbed up Cronus, the worm infested turnip,( poor,poor Cronus) and teleported home....but...
upon arriving at home, he realized the homeport didn't bring cronus with him!
Oh what a mess!! Teleporters only transport people!! Not turnips!!Our adventurer goes back to retrive Cronus only to find he has . . . .
Our adventurer goes back to retrive Cronus only to find he has been almost completely consumed by the worms.  What to do?  What to do?  Thinking quickly our adventurer...

pulls one of his stinking socks he hasn't washed for about 10 years next to Cronus and see there all worms crawl onto the sock(no wonder it really stinks bad).But what should he do now with Cronus(the no more worm infested turnip)?
If only our adventurer had access to Ambro's spellbook. 

That might have a spell in it to change Cronus back to his old self. Or any self for that matter. Who wants to go through life as a worm infested turnip?

If only our adventurer had finished all his crumbs of knowledge for breakfast this morning!!

Alas!! All he has is a vari amulett and a Bank Account Form. Will these items help our adventurer get through the basic level larkiexam? 

It is yet to be seen!! Our adventurer presses on with his quest . . . . . 

Feeling rather rebelious he decides to have an extra portion of breakfast so he cannot use that excuse in the future...
Breakfast done with, our adventurer gathers up Cronus, the previously-worm-infested Turnip along with the currently-worm-infested stinky-sock. If he is ever going to be able to reconstitute Cronus, our adventurer knows he'll need as much of the Turnip as he can get ...even if some of the parts and pieces now exist in form of worm droppings. 

OurBrave Adventurer (OBA for short) throw the whole stinking mess into his backpack and strikes out for....
What little brain power the Cronus/turnip has thanks the gods of Larki that our Adventurer doesn't like turnips for breakfast.
The School Of Wizardry. Again. He needed to find the gardener, Kialuk, and his greenhouse. Oba (formerly The Adventurer), had finally remembered his beloved Gran's words 
A good hot soak in a magical nutrient bath and a
 
sound night's sleep will make a new man of
 
ye
!  So a little while later, with Cronus (poor, poor Cronus) and the rest of the whole stinking mess tucked in his backpack, Oba knocked softly on the gates to the garden. After a moment one gate gently swung open....
              
Beyond the gate Oba sees sights he had never dreamed of!!

A long winding yellow brick path leads to an emerald city in the distance.

Could this be the castle of the great and powerful wizard who can turn Cronus back from wormy turnip living?

Oba starts to head down the yellow brick path when out of the forest lining the path steps . . . .


...out a Donna Brutalia?!?OH no !-cried Oba-I am doomed!..and anyone who is familiar with the Larki world will understand why those words ran trough Obas mind at that very second for we all know that the Donna Brutalias are among the most viscious creatures in Lrakinor.Very hard to defeat indeed...Ofcourse they have their weakness..
a kiss from a young and brave adventurer...

is oba bold enough to lean over a plant one on donna's lips or shall he face a crushing blow from her which will send him home?
Our adventurer leans forward his lips nearing her lips and gives her a biiiiiiiiig smooch.The Donna Brutalia falls over and is dead.Now our adventurer
must search for some antibiotic gel to santize his face as well as a cure for the poor turnip.  
Yellow brick roads and antibiotic gels, wormfree turnips and,oh yes,(poor poor Cronuses)--Oba sat down in Oz and wished he was back in good old Larkinor. A whirling wind suddenly whooshed down and surrounded him, then lifted him up high into the air. Through a whirling whiteness he could glimpse patches of green below him getting closer and closer.Then with a rude bumb he was deposited on familiar ground. Amazed, he saw ....
...that he has landed infornt of his old house!But there was someone inside!Oh no who could this be?!
peeking through the window, he saw that it was an old man going through some of his stuff, so he concluded that it was...
Cinder!
Now what?  If it had been a hot old lady instead of and old man other options came to mind.
I have an idea our adventurer thinks to himself.He shouts loudly:"O my gosh Cinders house is just beeing robbed I see a Hot Old Lady packing all his stuff into her big bag!"Cinder quickly storms out of the adventurers house.
Oba goes into his house, takes note of the few things that are missing, but decides to deal with that after he finds a way to turn cronus back from his turnip form, so he goes over to his bookshelf and pulls out one called...
100 ways to cook a turnip.  Wait! Wrong book.  He reaches again for another book this time he chooses